I have resisted starting this site for over 7 years. I don't want to be "The Imposter Guy" because I like focusing on more positive things, like "yes, you do belong here" or "it's OK because learning things is fun and you'll feel much better soon."
I also think Imposter Syndrome is toxic. More on that in a minute.
When It's Time to Pivot
Have a look at my courses page on bigmachine.io, which is my current side business:
Rails, Vue, Interviewing, PostgreSQL... Elixir? This is almost a perfect reflection of my overly-distractible brain! No clear focus, I just make videos based on whatever amuses me.
A good friend of mine was quick to point this out the other day as we were talking about people who make millions by selling online courses (like Miss Excel). His answer was pointed:
They have something you don't: focus
Too true. But here's the thing: I don't want or need to make millions. I enjoy making online courses because I'm good at it and it helps people. Same with writing! I could write 100,000 words on the idea of self-worth and "being of use to the community" rather than accumulating wealth. Being super wealthy changes you as a person, and I like who I am.
Either way, if I'm going do a thing, I'd like to do it well, which is why I'm changing course here.
Leaning In
Imposter Syndrome is rampant in our industry, and that's horrible. I know I've felt it, a lot, as have many of my friends - some of which are extremely successful!
I've written about this before, but Imposter Syndrome is actually a toxic emotional state, for both you and the person around you. This is a hard thing to realize, because it sounds like the hardline idea that "you're the only one to blame for your problems", which isn't what I'm saying.
People enjoy knowing they're contributing to a team, a family, or a community. That's where our sense of value comes from. If we don't feel that, we tend to withdraw and feel like we're of no use.
The problem with all of that is that it is 100% inside your head. In the starkest terms: you're asking for external validation so you can feel an internal sense of worth. If you've ever been to therapy before, you know this is never a good state.
It's so easy for this to spiral into a very dark space. When you suggest something to your team but they would rather go a different direction:
Oh well, guess I don't know nearly as much as y'all do anyway.
Or when someone gives you a compliment:
Thanks but I have no idea what I'm doing, so it was pure luck.
I've said these things before, and I sincerely felt like I was being positive in a self-deprecating way. The opposite happened: I sucked the air out of the room.
Why am I bringing all of this up? Because I don't think it's discussed openly enough, as it should be. I think overcoming Imposter Syndrome has as much to do with you "doing the work" to get out of your head as it does with gaining a CS degree.
If any of this resonates with you, then you're the reason I've decided to build out this site.
It Really Is Fun
You don't "get over" Imposter Syndrome, you learn to spot it, and then suffocate it. It comes at you from everywhere, at any time, and if you can deflate that horrible feeling, work becomes truly fun.
I'm dealing with it right at this very moment. Seriously. The little voice in my head right now telling me how I like to start things and never follow through. Do I think I'm a therapist now, telling people how to think?
When this happens, I flip it around, which is a technique I learned while reading Can't Hurt Me (David Goggins):
I must be doing something right if that little voice is here. I will move through this, and get free
The only thing you can do is to go through. There is no trick, or going around. When you feel like an imposter, you face that feeling, and do it anyway.
Which is what I'm doing right this second.
Let's go.